Old Guy Cooking Tips………….

Look people, I get it. The diet industry is big business world-wide and people are just trying to do what many health ‘experts’ say is necessary to stay healthy and live longer. I have been there, low carb, low-calorie, veggies only blah….blah…blah. STOP THE INSANITY. Like I tell my doctor when he mentions I should get in shape. I am ROUND, Round is a shape. He may have a medical degree but I am beginning to think he may have flunked geometry.

As a 60-year-old seasoned eating human (yes pun intended) I have decided to eat whatever I want and see if I can enjoy life a little before I transition into the spirit realm. After all isn’t staying healthy just postponing the inevitable? Life should be a fun ride with some tasty concession stands along the way. Why consume horse manure and tofu along the way instead of steak and taters? Disclaimer: I am not a dietitian, caloric adviser, chef or any other professional food guide. The information I am offering here has been gathered and personally tested many times by me as a food chewing and digestive working ugly bag of mostly water. No health benefits are intended nor promised. Alrighty then on with my insights for shopping, preparing and eating tasty food.

Like many people in today’s modern age I have simplified my shopping habits by completing my food gathering from the comfort of my own kitchen. Why the kitchen? Why not? Synergy I guess. I cook in my kitchen, eat in my kitchen so why not order on-line from my kitchen. I use a home food delivery service that arrives once every 2 weeks with fresh and tasty frozen food that I then turn into breakfast, lunch and dinner for my wife and I.  i only go to an old-fashioned super-market when I need to purchase non-food items like beer, trash bags and other boring but essential items. Anyway the food gets delivered, I place it in the freezer and then choose what I might like to eat for that day. For today’s example I will be providing how to information on preparing marinated/grill flavored salmon, little cute tiny baby baker baked taters and a fresh salad. So listen up because I am only going to write this one time.

Open the freezer and acquire the necessary items for this tasty and probably nutritious dinner. Hey its fish right? Fish is healthy. The salmon will be individually wrapped in a cardboard box that is not only a handy container but also provides nutritional info (I don’t personally read this part of the packaging, after-all it’s fish what else do I need to know?). Open the box and remove the individually wrapped salmon filets and leave the box open for further use. Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees. Find a baking pan and cover cooking surface with tin foil, I like name brand but I am assuming some cheap generic brand will probably work too. Spray liberally (probably the only time  you will hear me say liberal with a straight face) with PAM Coconut spray. Now pick up the individually wrapped salmon and carefully cut along the right side of the hermetically sealed plastic wrap housing your filet. If you cut over the empty box you left open from earlier you have a useful trash container. Once the packaging is sliced open from bottom to top, work the fish filet out of the plastic wrap and place on your greased and lubed baking pan. Yes, it is awfully cold but you’re a man so man up!!! Place empty wrapper in box with sliced piece and repeat this step with the other 3 filets, the box has 4. When all filets are on the baking pan and cut wrappers are in the box, discard box in nearest trash can. Wait for oven dinger to ding indicating  oven is at the correct temp and place pan with filets into oven on middle rack. Set timer for 30 minutes.

Acquire the baby baker tater bag and cut it open. Prepare another baking pan with tin foil and Coconut spray lube and pour contents of baby baker bag (half a bag is good for 2 eaters, whole bag for 4 eaters). Set aside. After oven dings indicating fish is cooked remove fish from oven. If you can smell the grilled marinated flavor of the salmon you have probably cooked it good. Set aside and cover with foil. Increase over temp to 425 degrees and when ding sounds put them taters in. Set timer for 15 minutes and get those salad fixings out of the fridge. I prefer organic greens in solid plastic containers cause they have already been washed. I like to work smarter not harder. Throw some greens in a bowl, cut a tomater and cucumber if you wish and throw those items in, add some shredded cheese and the dressing of your choice and viola you Gotz a salad. By now the taters are dinging remove those tasty round tiny balls of flavor from oven. Add seasoning of choice as well as my personal favorite butter and put a few on a dinner plate. Paper or China it is up to you my budding chef. A few taters, a filet or 2 with that salad you made and your ready to eat. Enjoy……………………………………………………… Oh yeah, a fork and knife are highly recommended because sporks are cumbersome.

Hope these tips help. If you prefer to hunt in a real forest for your meat risking getting shot by other drunks who think deer are orange or maybe falling from a tree-stand, have at it. I prefer to do my hunting and fishing in a supermarket or online, heck you even can find crops ready for use in these places. Anyway, cook well folks. If your interested in eating and not worried about your figure give my instructions a try.

Sarcasm in the preceding blog was supplied and applied free of charge.

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