What Do You Mean? I’m Listening…….

This article is about marriage but might benefit any couple who are in a committed, loving relationship.

Any man who has been married for any length of time will probably agree that women are very different from men. Forget all the equality BS, men and woman are not equal they are different. That is a fact!!! Heck, come to think about it I wouldn’t want my wife to be exactly like me. I revel in our differences because I believe those differences are what makes us a good team. After all marriage or a relationship takes teamwork to succeed. Having said that communication is also a key ingredient to any successful relationship or marriage. So I would like to attempt to explain to my wife and any other women who might be able to use this info, some reasons that men don’t listen.

Sometimes it is just too difficult for a man to understand what his woman wants or is trying to say. Men tend to do better when requests are direct and offer little room for interpretation or improvisation. I offer this example, Honey when you are at the store, get more dryer sheets. Hubby goes to store and acquires the requested item and to save money buys generic brand. The wife upon his return remarks, why did you get the generic kind these don’t work as well as the name brand! This understandably causes hubby confusion, he purchased a requested item and saved money, in his mind he just completed two tasks but is met with an unhappy wife. Confusion? You betcha…. Wife could have cleared up any misconceptions by requesting exact brand of dryer sheets she preferred. Direct requests work best at least in my experience. Not just for grocery items but most tasks women request. Got that ladies?

I love my wife but another communication challenge she offers is talking while I am in another room. Again this causes confusion for my brain. I can hear her talking although I can’t quite make out exactly what she might be saying because a wall is separating us. My brain poses questions like Is she talking to me? Is she on her cell phone talking to someone else? What does she want now? To adequately find the correct answer I have only one choice, stop whatever I might be doing and enter the room from which she is speaking. Direct contact is the only verifiable tool I have to find out what it is she wants. If it wasn’t me she was addressing I can go back to whatever it was I was previously doing, if it was something she needed she might have to repeat herself but at least she now has my undivided attention. Tip for the women folk out there, when in doubt text your man even if he is just in the next room. Women and men usually have their cell phones handy so don’t talk thru walls, text. Just another free suggestion for improving communication.

Now I will admit something that might be a shock to people but I have been accused of having the attention span of a wet fart. Thoughts and voices bounce around my brain continually and eventually what pops to the surface is the thought I go with. Most of the time I can be concentrating on sheer nonsense or even useless information or even my personal favorite, absolutely nothing at all. Women mean-while have brains that seem to be fully engaged on serious matters every waking moment. I might get a grocery list item at 1AM because my wife just remembered we need bread. My favorite is when I am off but she is leaving for work and comes up with honey do requests as she is leaving even though I have already planned my day with necessary chores that need completing. Last minute requests are my specialty.  NOT. Come on ladies, realize men do plan their days and ask nicely, like while your home today might you have time to water the flowers in the garden? Asking nicely isn’t difficult. Try it sometime. Also I tend to plan and execute tasks with a straight forward approach. My wife is more of a do tasks as they come up person. For instance yard work. I usually mow the lawn, weed whack and then have a cold beer. It’s a process ladies and I am a creature of habit. My wife might alter that schedule to include rearranging the shed after the mower is pulled out because she notices the shed needs rearranging. Leaves need raked instead of being mulched by mower. Bird feeder needs filled before weed whacking because feeder looks empty. To recap my plan is mow lawn, whack weeds and drink beer probably 60 – 90 minutes of actual work. Wife’s plan is pull mower out of shed along with everything else in shed. Rearrange and replace all items into shed. Mow lawn. Fill bird feeder, Rake leaves. Whack weeds, Make lunch or dinner depending on the time and then maybe drink a beer. Total time all day!!! Ladies, all I am saying is men like to work smarter not harder.

OK I have had my say on communication experiences I have experienced and how to make communication better between husband’s and wives. I would appreciate comments. I might even have a woman do a guest blog in retaliation, er response to my thoughts and ideas so that I can not be accused of not giving equal time to the wives, girlfriends or significant others out there. Hope my communication ideas help you ladies.

One thought on “What Do You Mean? I’m Listening…….

  1. First off I’m not the writer in the family that would be my husband! He asked me for a rebottle so I’ll give it a try! Communication skills are the corner stone to any relationship. Sometimes knowing when to just shut up is key. At times I’m still learning that one! Lol
    His idea of texting threw a wall has some merit but let’s get real when a women is getting ready for work and is jumping through hoops the last thing she has time to do is text the man in the next room who is just sitting on his butt! And asking you to water the flowers as I’m walking out the door to work because I see the ones on the porch are wilted and I don’t have time to because I’m going to work and it’s going to be 90 degrees today and by the time I get home they will be dead and that is why I’m asking as I am walking out the door! As he said he has a one track mind and he would not have noticed them on his own! When picking up items at a grocery store most of the time a women gets the same brand of something! It we use your example of dryer sheets. You help do laundry you see what brand was used just buy the same thing.
    Let’s talk about the mowing and the weed whacking! He only weed whacks about three times a season leaving the edges getting about a foot tall before he finally whacks them. He does it in the order he says he mows, weed whacks and then rewards himself with a beer. Let’s think about this now. The foot high weed whack is left after he mowed! Do you see a problem?? I choose not to fight and just wait til he is at work and pull the mulching mower out and clean up the mess! Team work! Choose my battle!
    The older I get the more I am grateful for what he does and not how he does it and I just adjust my reaction to it and my response.
    For instance yesterday he swept and mopped. I thank him and went to work all day as a massage therapist, and came home and did the detail work of sweeping and mopping that he doesn’t. See he does all the areas you can see but moves nothing. I’m very grateful for what he did but we have cats and dogs and all that hair gets well EVERYWHERE! The younger me would have lost my mind and told him he did a half butt job and like I was taught by my parents do a job right the first time! But now the older me excepts he does the broad strokes of a painting and I do the detail work. Teamwork
    Neither of us are perfect by any means but together most of the time we come pretty close! I guess like cheese cake and coffee! 😉


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